To My Fellow Graduates . . .

I had the occasion recently to attend a high school graduation.  I was there to see a group of young people I had had the pleasure of working with these past five years age instantly before my eyes.  It is to these fine people and grads around the world that this is addressed.

My own matriculation occurred some 21 years ago.  It was a proud seminal moment in my life, a crowning achievement, and the culmination of 13 years of schooling.  The thing is, I don't remember much of it.  The sands of time have shifted over the years, obscuring the details, dulling the memories.  To be honest, I'm not even sure that the remembrances I do have weren't aided by the photographs scanned after the fact.  The memories of the momentousness of my big night have faded into a recollection among others of things past.

The reason I mention all of this - aside from being a massive prick - is to actually give you some hope, believe it or not.  Right now, and over the past few weeks, amid the elation and relief, have likely been some tears and even a few fears (that would make an awesome band name).  While it's true that a huge and defining part of your lives is coming to an end, the rest of it is just starting.

Oh.  So that part's also causing you to shit the proverbial bed?

Well, what if I told you that a part of the rest of your life is just starting?  Up to this point in your life, you've likely been led to believe that your life is divided into three parts --> before high school, during high school, and after high school.  Right now the after high school part is looking pretty big huh?  Well it is.  It's freaking huge.  There's just so much to do.  The truth is, however, that the best part of living life is figuring out how you want to live it.  The trick is, you can't figure out what you want to do with it unless you go out and do.

Go.  Do.  Some of my newly minted friends may find that familiar.

I've told every class and every student I've ever taught and every actor I've ever directed that I'd rather see them fail spectacularly than succeed mediocrely.  What I mean is that in life, as in scene-work, you need to launch yourself at your goal with 100% of your efforts.  Without complete commitment, you will never succeed completely.

Success through failure.

Failure in life is unavoidable.  Lack of commitment is entirely avoidable.  If you want to be an actor, failure is 90% of your career, but it is also present in every other profession and in life.  If you don't fail, you will never understand what it takes to succeed.

Be passionate.

Don't do anything halfway.  Give everything your all.  I don't care what you want to achieve in life, but allowing your passions to guide you is a great way to lead a happy life.  The old adage reads: "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life."  But it runs deeper than that.  Show yourself to be passionate in every aspect of your life and you'll never have to wonder "what if?"

Lastly, realize that in all of this you only have one life.  Don't let anyone take that away from you by making if less than it deserves to be.  Don't allow others to dictate the terms of your life.  Don't waste the finite preciousness of your existence.  Be good to others.  Be honorable.  Be moral.  You are the sum of your experiences.  The better the experiences, the better the sum.  Some days those experiences are unmatched - yes, para-sailing with the Dalai Lama in the AM and dinner and strip Yahtzee with Carrie Underwood in the PM was pretty amazing, but so too was that solitary latte when you fell in love with Hemingway, or that time you laughed for an hour over some inane joke with a friend.

You're too young to get this yet, but life hurtles past you at break-neck speed.  Don't waste any of it needlessly beating yourself up or not following your dreams.  Jump in with both feet and squeeze every last drop of awesome out of it.  Don't let anything get you down longer than you have to.  Love yourself.  Be in love.  Be proud of yourself.  Your families are proud of you.  I'm proud of you.

Do great things.

Stand Alone On A Stage

Stand alone on a stage and be.  Be that person deep inside that yearns to break free, to exist, to breathe.  That person that yearns to surface.  To lurch from the yoke of the water's grasp and gulp down lungfuls of acrid air - heavy in the incense of a ritual to be observed yet not obeyed.

Stand in the light and be seen.  Seen for the most vulnerable face of you, made raw in the spot's light.  The honey glow of truth and redemption and fear.  Numbing fear of failure to be ignored and trampled on, trounced, made ready for the purchase of a new grasp.  A new grip.  A handhold on the granite face of that thing you call life.

Stand with nothing.  Nothing but your honesty.  Your honesty that in that moment alone you are true and real and strong and nimble.  Feel that mutinous heart beat from deep within that cavernous chest and answer back with a quiet calm and resolve born of redirected fear.

Stand and see.  Not the audience or the curtains or the stage, but your own hands and feet.  See what you inhabit and own.  What you control.  What husk you are and will leave.  But for now, here you are.  In this moment.  On this stage.  See with the eyes of ten thousand men and women what space you occupy and in whose body you live.  See the mirror in your own mind and adore that shell of yours for the vessel it is to guide you through this pain and love and peace.

Stand in that pool and feel.  Feel that charge, that electricity, that inspiration, that perversion of a talent that you have at your disposal and stand in awe of what you will spend a lifetime seeking and chasing and yearning and loving and being in deep addiction to.  That resonance that feels so good and seems so hardly out of reach.  Be lifted to your toes by your own inspiration.  It bubbles to the surface.  You part your lips.  You open your mouth.  And you . . .

Stand alone on a stage.

I'm Not An Artist Anymore

I have a confession to make: I'm not an artist anymore. 

I've always been an actor. I've always needed to perform.  For all intents and purposes, I've been doing it as long as I can remember. 

I remember the moment my mother looked at my father after I had finished performing yet another little "skits' and said to him, "we should get him into theatre".  I remember my first class, my first presentation, and my first show.  I remember the audience.  The applause.  It appeared as though this was what I was and had ever been. 

I was 9 years old. 

I continued down the path, gaining experience and praise until at 14, I was invited to join a local agency.  The first parts came, and then the first series: "The Adventures of the Black Stallion".  Three years we shot - in Canada, France, and New Zealand.  Some amazing times and memories were made.  I loved working.  I loved earning money.  The show ended after 78 episodes, and I chose to stay in Vancouver rather than head south to LA, to sun, and to bigger and better.  I picked home over away because I had spent so much time away, that I wanted to make a home.  I thought I would grow here.  Other series came and I worked a lot, but plateaus were reached.  A friend of mine has said that Vancouver is less a springboard and more a diving board.  And although many exceptions have proven the rule, in my case it seems that the rule proved the rule. 

I'm happy with and proud of what I've accomplished, but the artistic element in me has remained unfulfilled.  To be fair, I have brought it on myself.  I've long regarded what I do to be the business that it is.  I'm not in the scene anymore.  I checked out years ago.  I'm not a very "actor-y" actor and am a solitary one at that, and with a family my priorities have changed.  But I do feel that I may have done myself a disservice.  I don't feel connected to what I do anymore by doing it.  It is - in my opinion - supremely difficult to be artistically fulfilled as an actor in the film industry without having long term projects - at least the fulfillment that I want. 

My artistic connection to acting is maintained by the teaching of it.  I've been instructing people in the ways of screen-acting for some 19-ish years.  I've been accused of being a good teacher, but I would argue that I'm not such a good teacher as I am a good director.  I can read people, notice their foibles, tell when they're lying.  I love the psychology of acting and bringing students to new breakthroughs.  I love showing people how deep and difficult acting is when done right and how brilliant and rewarding it is when submerged in it. 

I'm approaching forty now.  Sure I'm aging gracefully, and while my children make me old before my time, my wife keeps me young with her own youth.  Age tends to sharpen one's focus though, and I've realized I don't want to be just a businessman actor, I want to be an artist again.  I need to stretch, to shake off the rust.  I need to go back to my roots - I need to go back to the theatre.  But I also need to go my way.  Honestly. 

I love acting.  Always will.  I also love directing.  This is why I've decided to start a small - some might say tiny - theatre company in the new year.  Original material.  Brilliant young actors.  A long journey.  I have no idea of the details (yet) - only that it needs to breathe.  Bigger and better.  Always bigger.  Always better.