Friday, September 9, 2011

Haters Gonna Hate . . . Because They're Assholes

I have a lot of great fans.  Fans Tony the Tiger would be proud of.

They visit me on my fan page, they visit my website, they visit this blog, they write their government representatives to tell them how great I am, and some of the more female and attractive fans even send in bikini shots of themselves posing with cakes because they know how much I like cakes.

But then there are the anti-fans.  Not Auntie Fan - she's lovely.

No, I'm talking about the haters.   You know the ones - the total douche-bags that live on the internet and smack talk everything that comes their way.

They are also known as trolls - as in the things that live under bridges and eat childrens' bones, only in this case the bridge is their mother's basement and the childrens' bones are Hot Pockets and Tang.

I've come across a few of these guys and gals over my years as an F-List celebrity (that's right baby, F-List - I've had it confirmed by NASA.  They apparently have a lot of down time these days).  

They're generally on YouTube and love to slam me and call me a jerk, and weird looking, and small.  Now to be fair, all of these things are true, but they wouldn't know that because they've never met me.

Although I may have met them.  I wouldn't know.  You know why?  Because although literally billions of people hate on me on the interweb, figuratively zero people have ever said anything to my face.  You know why?

Simple.  Haters are pussies.

These people hate on everything and everyone.  From that 14 year old girl Rebecca Black, to that 17 year old girl Justine Bieber, trolls attack anything that reminds them that they're angry at the world because their mom doesn't serve the Tang cold enough to their gaming liar.

So I say screw 'em . . .  not literally of course! 

I'm pretty sure they all have some kind of immaculately spread venereal disease that makes everything itch and 8-bit characters sexually appealing.


Anonymous said...

I totally admire your self-confidence and class when dealing with the trolls. They're obviously jealous of you and your talent on the E-List (come on, you're at least at the E status!) So balls to them, you're a better person than each and every one of those Tang-drinking schlubs.

Anonymous said...

I've never met you, and I think you're very (intelligently) funny!

Would this be a good time to apologize for having been a "hater," even if it was yeeaars ago? I was young and not open to change... And, now that I am older, I am rediscovering your talent and humor, and I love it!


Amanda M. said...

Hates I believe are self conscience of themselves and jump to conclusions. You are real and tell how it is, many people don't. Kudos to you sir Richard.

Alex (mitalca35) said...

To us in the anime community, you're A-list! And screw the haters - those trolls need to leave their mom's basement and get laid, already.

VirtuallyCJ said...

I am a writer trying to break into the literary world using an under appreciated genre that most people generally bash and trash to within an inch of their lives. I am a troll magnet, my back has been impaled with their horns. This made me laugh, I mean seriously - seriously laugh. So from the bottom of my oft trashed heart - I thank you!